i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
