I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
