I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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