Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
