This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
