according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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