he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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