Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
