take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
