I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's like iHOP with fire
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
