We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
