for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
