I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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