I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
