i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
