My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
