please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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