I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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