Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
