college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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