What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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