You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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