As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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