someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
