Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
