I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
