You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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