lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
