i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
