Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
