Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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