The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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