is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
