So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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