That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
