nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
