Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
