Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
