I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
