I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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