Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
