JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
that's an acceptable place to lick
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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