I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
