I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
