just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
accomplished twins. life is a go
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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