I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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