Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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