I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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