I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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