apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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