Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
