shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Semen is not good for contacts.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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