Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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