True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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