it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
