I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
