Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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