Will you blow on my dice?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
