my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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