I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
