Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
