you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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